


Remdy - Life's Journey

by Standup_Dramedy, XxEmoBunnyBoyxX



Category: Black Veil Brides, Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Band Fic, Bands, Eating Disorders, Family, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Married Couple, Mpreg, Near Death Experiences, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Post Mpreg, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Tour Bus, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29998662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Standup_Dramedy/pseuds/Standup_Dramedy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxEmoBunnyBoyxX/pseuds/XxEmoBunnyBoyxX
Summary: ***TW: This story has avid descriptions of dysphoria, suicide, self harm, alcohol, eating disorders,  ect.*** *contains Mpreg*Remington and Andrea (Andy) were together for years. Andy comes out as trans and they help him through his transition, both people having ups and downs with mental health. Their relationship and family thrives and grows.Co-written by @Standup_Dramety! This is written through a roleplay between us.
Relationships: Andy Biersack/Remington Leith, Emerson Barrett/Jeremy "Jinxx" Ferguson
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

_This story is based off of/copy pasted from a roleplay between me and @Standup_Dramedy . Credits to them for writing this with me. <3   
~~_

Andrea sniffled as she finished cleaning up. She had relapsed, she just couldn't take it anymore. She felt like a boy. She hated her name, her body, and her voice most of all. She always liked the name Andy, and secretly loved a lot of masculine things, though everyone knew about her love for batman. Of course her boyfriend, Remmy, didn't know she was even on the Palaye tour bus. She had gone to find him to get some cuddles so she didn't breakdown but when he wasn't there, so she did. She pulled on one of his hoodies to hide her arms, crossing her arms over her chest and pulling her hair up in a half up bun that she mentally called her man bun to make herself feel better.  
  
The saddest thing was Remington had no clue as of yet. He had no idea. As his 'girlfriend' was suffering alone and curled up in a level of pain he'd never fully understand. He was currently trying his best not to snap at the annoying mother of a girl who demanded more than he could offer.

"Ma'am I'm sorry, but VIP has been over for a couple hours and you aren't allowed back here," He'd try, but neither mother nor daughter listened. The girl had urged him to sing, which he did, though his performance was shit. His throat hurt and he just wanted a hug from Andrea. Just the thought of her made him smile. Eventually Sebastian was able to convince the annoying two to leave and Remington was quick to escape. Approaching his band's tour bus he got an odd feeling in his gut. He shrugged it away and pulled the creaky door open.  
  
Andrea was curled up tightly on the couch, silently sobbing into Remington's hoodie, but holding her breath when she heard the bunk open, not daring to look up as her body shook with anxiety, every emotion and sense in total overdrive.

Remington walked in, he expected the place to be empty.

"God, I really gotta clean this shit hole up-" He thought out loud as he stepped over somebody's open duffel bag. He would have just flopped into his bunk if it weren't for the slight, almost unnoticeable sound of.. crying? _Shit- Andrea._

"You- you okay?? What's wrong?" Rem knelt down beside the couch to be level with her. He knew he should have trusted his gut.  
  
Andrea started sobbing once again at the agknowlgement, falling forward so her head leaned against his flat chest. God she was so jealous of his flat chest.

Rem didn't know what to say- did he do something wrong? He wrapped his arms around Andrea's shaking form nonetheless, he knew that if anything a hug would help.  
"..You don't have to tell me what's wrong but... I'm here.." He cooed, his voice gentle.  
  
Andrea graciously accepted the hug.

"C-can you call me a new nickname?" She whispered, her voice hoarse and broken up from crying, barely above a whisper, and just about a whimper  
  
Remington nodded.

"Of course I can.. Anything to make you feel better." He was truthful in what he said. He'd do anything just to make sure Andrea was happy. And happy with herself.  
  
"A-andy.... Please..." She whispered, hoping it'd sell off enough because it _could_ be short for Andrea. Though the trans boy had decided that h(er)is name would be Andrew.  
  
"Andy.. it suits you." Remington kept his tone soft and loving, he knew that was what she needed right now. He was unaware of her inner thoughts, though he had a feeling it was something more than just a new nickname. He had the respect not to ask quite yet.

Andy sniffled and smiled softly, cuddling into Remington, whimpering is slight pain but hoping Remington didn't take it as pain, and didn't feel he'd flinch.  
  
Remington knew better than to just leave Andrea alone. "I know something else is wrong.." He still had the heavy nervous feeling in his chest- he just wanted to make sure she was safe.  
  
"W-what?" He whispered, his voice wavering nervously.

"I can tell when you're hurting... I know this isn't about some nickname."  
  
"I-i dont- i dont know what you're talking a-about Remmy" He whispered, hiding his face in rems neck, shaking with anxiety.

Remington frowned. His gut feeling worsened. "Andrea, you're worrying me, love.." He kept his voice soft but he was firm. He was worried.

Andy just shook more, feeling himself edge towards a panic attack, terrified of Remington having a bad reaction if he came out.

"Baby, what-" Rem's brows furrowed further. "I need you to breathe for me, okay?" He had one arm wrapped around his lover protectively and the other he used to rub Andy's back. Andy just sobbed and shook his head, hyperventilating and feeling nauseous.

Remington placed his hands on Andrea's shoulders and pulled her away to look him straight in the eye. "I need you to work with me on this, okay baby? I want to help you.. Whatever is wrong, it'll be _okay_."

He shook his head continuously, starting to cough as he couldn't breathe

Remington was struggling to keep himself calm.

" _Andy_. Listen to me, okay? Breath with me," He started to make his breaths more noticeable, deep and slow.

Andy watched Rems chest, one hand resting on it to feel his breaths, copying his movement and slowly calming down, hearing the correct name being a huge help.

Remington nodded slowly, he wouldn't stop until Andy was back all the way down.

"I'm here for you. You're safe.." He looked into Andy's eyes, the beautiful blue contrasting his dark brown. "It'll be okay."

Andy's eyes were filled with tears and pain as he looked into rems eyes , finally pretty much all the way calmed down as he broke their eye contact.

"I-I'm sorry i cant tell you" he whispered.

Remmy nodded, understanding. "You don't have to tell me yet if you don't want to.

"I'll respect your privacy." Remington said calmly, his voice understanding. "But... I need to know if you're hurting.." He glanced downward.

Andy looked down and fiddled with his fingers, that being a sign of yes because he couldn't bring himself to verbally say it  
  
Remington's heart sank. She was doing so good... He felt as though it was his fault. If he was there for Andrea this wouldn't have happened.

"I.. I'm sorry.." He mumbled.

Andy simply cuddled into his boyfriend, sighing softly and letting the tears silently fall down her cheeks, wetting Remington's chest.

Remy held his arms around Andy, his grip firm yet gentle. Protective yet oh so forgiving.

"This doesn't make me love you any less. In fact, I'm gonna love you even more to take the hurt away." He purred, trying to joke to lift the atmosphere.

Andy giggled quietly, but froze when he felt Remington kiss his neck.

"N-no, im sorry, i cant" He whispered, far to dysphoric to want to go in that direction, feeling himself panic all over again.

Rem pulled away instantly. "Hey it's okay," He loosened his arms around Andy. "I understand. Just trying to cheer you up."

"Im sorry" He whispered, looking down and fiddling with the cuff of Rems hoodie sleeve that was covering his arms, forgetting that Remington would no doubt know that he relapsed if he did, the action being a habit he had to keep his sleeves down and arms hidden.

"Don't be sorry, it's oka-" Remington's words caught in his throat. "...You didn't...."

"W-what-?" He asked, looking up confused.

"I know that we all have our shit going on but.. you know you can talk to me, right..?"  
  
Andy looked down again.

"I-Im sorry, you'll surely hate me or break up with me if i tell you and i don't want you to leave me, im sorry, i didn't know what else to do to help" He whispered.

Remington grabbed Andy by the shoulders gently and pulled her away so they were looking right at each other, eye-to-eye.

" _Nothing_ could sway my love for you. Nothing."

"T-this thing might..." He whispered, his face scared and hurt. Remington wasn't gay, he didn't like men, and if he did would he even view Andy as a boy? or 'actually just a girl' like he had seen so many stories about.

Rem shook his head.

"Give me your worst, I will still love you the same. And there's nothing you could do or say that can change my mind." Remington was completely sure about what he just said. His sexuality, which he'd solidified as him being bi, was at the back of his mind. All he cared about was Andy.

"O-ok...." He said softly, pausing as he tried to muster up the courage to say it.

"I-i didn't ask you to call me Andy as a nickname.... I-" He said, pausing in hesitation and fear as he tried to manage the anxiety and adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Remington got an idea of what was to come, but only nodded. He knew that all Andy needed right now was for him to listen. And listen he did. "Okay..." He trailed off.

"I- Im not a girl, i just cant take it any more, my body's not right, my voice isnt right, im not a girl. Im a guy. I- The reason im alone for like an hour after shows is because im crying over how much i hate my fucking voice. My life is fucking hell Remmy. Im sorry. please dont leave me for this. I know youre straight and you probably wont ever see me as a guy but i just cant hide it anymore" he ranted, sobbing. He didnt dare look at Rems face, ringing his hands together as tears streamed down his face, voice wobbling with his anxiety.

Remington was surprised to say the least, but not for a moment did he doubt how he felt for Andy. He fell in love with a person. Not a gender.

"I'm not leaving you, Andy. I love you for who you are, not what gender you were assigned. I couldn't care less about that sort of thing. I love you, okay...?"

"R-really?" He asked, eyes widening. He put his emotions on hold for a second, not quite believing Rem.

"Yes really. I love you for you, and nothing can change that." Remington was more than certain, his voice firm and loving.

Andy immediately broke down in even harder sobs, emotions overwhelming, his heart swelling at just how much he loved Rem

"Hey hey it's okay," Remington went back to hugging Andy close, holding the other's head against his chest. "...Hear my heartbeat..?"

Andy nodded, sniffling and coughing as he choked on his sobs, though they were happy and relived sobs.

Remington brought his hand upward and gently patted the back of Andy's head.

"...Well it's beating for the person I love. Regardless of gender."

"Youre just trying to make me cry more, right?" He giggled/sobbed.

  
"Only if it's a happy cry of course," Rem joked but he meant it.  
  
He nodded and sniffled, willing himself to stop crying. "I-i dont know what to do now... It feels great to finally tell someone but im still dysphoric about like... everything.." he said.

"Dysphoric..? How does it feel?" First thing's first in Remington's mind, he wanted to know as much as possible to lessen his lover's pain.

"Like im being ripped out from the inside out... Like my body isnt even mine... It feels like a litteral stab to the chest..." He whispered.

"I... I can't even imagine.." Remington thought for a moment. "And it's _every_ day..? Is there anything I could do to help with it...?"

"E-every day... If i transitioned and came out publicly... But thats terrifying... And costs money.." He explained.

"I'll save the money! I'll book more shows, I'll get another job if I have to I-" Rem was speaking from his heart without reason and paused. "....I'll do anything I can to help you."

"Remmy..." he whispered, his heart strings being pulled to the fucking max with how adorably sweet rem was being.

"I'm sorry I just- I wanna be there for you, Andr- Andy. I wanna help you.."

"Thankyou" he whispered, hugging remington tighter. "C-can i keep this hoodie for now? Do you think the fans would be mad if i wore it on stage? and not be in like a brallette and shit?" He asked, shivering at the thought of wearing one of those again.

"You can wear whatever you want, love. They got a problem with it, they got a problem with me." Remington said firmly with a nod.

Andy smiled a bit, cuddling into him more and kissing his neck softly, not in a sexual way at all, just because he couldnt move to reach his lips.

Remington hummed and let his eyes slip shut. He was honestly just glad Andy could trust him in this way. He was still honestly learning, but he hoped he'd know enough simply for his boyfriend's comfort.

Andy savored the hug as long as possible, jumping when he heard Jinxx clear his throat, realizing Jinxx heard all of that.

"So Andy, looks like we have a full guy band now?" He smiled.

Remington flinched and his head turned back quick enough to give him whiplash.

"I- how long were you standing there??" It angered Rem how it felt like he could never have a single private moment with Andy.

"Not long, long enough to know that andy is trans, probably like 5 minutes at the most." He said, though rem and andy having talked for upwards of 45 minutes.

"If you tell _anyone_ I'll-" Remington stopped himself. "Keep this secret between us for now. Okay?" Remington was wary of the other- he trusted Jinxx, but only to an extent.

"No need to be so threatening dude" He chuckled. "Secrets safe with me. This is all on andy, s- he can come out when hes ready." He said, catching himself on the wrong pronouns and smiling apologetically at andy.

Remington was skeptical for a moment simply for his protective nature but after a split second's worth of consideration he decided on trusting Jinxx. "Sorry-" He shrugged. "And we'll help him along the way too. Right?"

Jinxx simply smiled and shook his head, not needing an apology. "Well im basically the mom of the band so of course" He chuckled, sitting down on the couch. "Were here for you andy. Take this step by step, whatever you need to do." He comforted. Andy nodded and sniffled. "Thankyou both" He whispered.  
  
"No need to thank us for loving you," Remington replied sweetly. "But... don't expect everyone's response to be this way. Not everyone is as.. open-minded as we are." He warned. Which is exactly why he still masks himself as straight.

Andy looked down and nodded. "Were gonna lose alot of fans arent we..?"

"If we do, fuck them. Anybody who doesn't accept you for who you are can get lost."  
  
~~  
  
2441 words


	2. Chapter 2

_Recap: "If we do, fuck them. Anybody who doesn't accept you for who you are can get lost."  
~~  
_

Andy nodded softly and yawned. "Can I nap?" He whispered, hiding himself as close as possible to Rem.

"Of course you can," Rem nodded and glanced Jinxx's way, hinting they needed to be alone.

Jinxx nodded and stood up, smiling at the two and leaving to probably go to the van with the rest of the bands.

Alone once again, Remington held Andy close and let them both lay down on the couch. It was a tight squeeze and Rem's legs were obviously too long, but he'd manage.

Andy fell asleep quickly, waking up a few hours later with a sigh, confused when he didn't feel rem anywhere near him.

Remington didn't care that the sun had already set. His eyes hurt slightly from screen exposure despite him wearing his (nerdy) glasses, but he didn't care. He wanted to help Andy, so that's exactly what he planned to do.

"R-remy?" He called out, though flinching and going silent as he heard his all to high voice. He curled up in a ball and sighed, trying not to cry again.

Rem shut his laptop quickly. He could hear the way Andy quickly silenced himself and grew worried. "What's up?" He called, making his way through the bus and to his boyfriend.

Andy looked up with wide eyes, showing how much he missed rem but also how upset he was.

"What's wrong? What happened..?"

Andy shook his head, at this point just refusing to speak. Talking made him feel physically ilk because it didnt match what he was supposed to sound like.

Rem sat beside Andy and looked him dead in the eye, his expression soft and confused. "I'm here to help you.."

Andy looked down for a sec, thinking, before looking up and pointing to his throat, where his voice box would be.

"Your throat? Does it hurt?"

Andy shook his head simply.

"Erm... is it your voice then?"

Andy looked down and nodded, sighing and pouting a bit, genuinely upset.

  
"It's that bad huh..." Rem frowned, thinking. "Is there something you could do? Something you could take? Maybe exercises?"

Andy shrugged but nodded, though held his hands out like if he was writing on paper.

"....You want something to write with?"

Andy nodded softly, looking pleadingly at Rem.

Remington was standing in seconds flat and luckily, it didn't take a while for him to fish a notebook and pencil out from his things. He flipped a few pages which were just messily jotted down lyrics and handing it to his boyfriend.  
  
Andy took the pencil, scratching the lead onto the paper. 'Voice exercises might work... vocal lessons and stuff... But too dysphoric right now' He wrote.

"Is it like this when you sing, too....?"

Andy hesitated, but slowly nodded and teared u a bit, but forced them back. " its why im alone after shows... crying and drinking and cutting...." He wrote, hands shaking. He hadn't told even rem that he actually never stopped cutting, Rem thinking his arms were a relapse when in reality they weren't because he had no more room on his legs.

Remington's breath faltered. _Every show...?_ What's worse is not that he never knew of Andy's suffering with dysphoria but now this? He felt he didn't even know the other like he used to. "W... why didn't you tell me...?"

"Didn't want you to leave me... didn't want you to take away the only coping i have... wasn't ready to come out yet...' he wrote, trying and nearly failing to hold back his sobs, he saw Remington's change, knowing he almost felt betrayed at everything Andy had hid.

Remington sighed. He knew how it felt not being ready but not to that extent. "...Andy I'm not mad at you okay..? But you know it hurts me when you hurt yourself.." Rem drew nearer to Andy. "I don't hate you. But I need to know when you're doing this because-" Just the thought of losing Andy made Remmy sick to his stomach. "...I can't.. I can't lose you."

Andy shook his head, tears silently rolling down his face, forcing himself to at least whisper words. "I cant stop.... its the only thing that helps" He whimpered.

Rem took Andy's hands in his. "Well let's try to change that, okay..?"

Andy shook his head fast, probably giving himself whiplash like every emo kid ever as he let out a broken sob. "Please no, i cant" He sobbed.

"Andy, I need you to at least _try_... I've been clean for months, I want the same for you.."

"O-only months?' He asked, confused. "I thought it was like 5 years or somethin... when did you relapse?" He asked, worried.

"I- ...this isn't about me." Remington said quickly. "I don't matter right now. You do."

"rem no, tell me please.." He whispered.

"...No."

Andy sighed and hugged rem tightly, as tightly as he could with his knees pulled up to his chest, a pillow wedged between his chest and legs to hopefully hide the feeling of his chest.

Remington accepted the hug willingly. Sometimes he'd hide his own turmoil simply because he felt Andy always mattered more. _Always_. "I'll be fine, okay..?"

Andy didn't reply, just hugged rem tighter and sniffled away his tears.

Despite how long they've been together Rem still felt self conscious when Andy hugged him tighter; he hoped to whatever god was out there that his ribs weren't too prominent. "...It's gonna be okay.." He said softly.

"W-where were you? when i woke up?" he asked, voice never raising above a barely audible whisper.  
  


"...On my laptop," He shrugged. "Why you ask?"

"Thought you left..." He whispered.

"I'd _never_ leave. You know that."

Andy shrugged, flinching when he heard his phone ring, answering it and forcing himself to talk at a normal volume. "Yea, what's up?" He asked, CC Calling to tell him to get to the stage cuz they need to preform and (s)hes late. Andy mumbled a swear and got up, kissing rem before running out, ignoring his heart racing from dysphoria

Remington had a bad feeling about this. Andy was in no place to perform, emotionally or physically. Unbeknownst to his boyfriend, Rem followed. Maybe it was just his anxiety but he _had_ to be sure.

Andy ran on stage, his voice hoarse from screaming incorrectly, though he enjoyed it because it was a tiny bit masculine that way. "What the fuck is up los angeles?" He yelled, though cringing at his voice.

The crowd went wild for their favorite vocalist (RIP Rem) and Remington was luckily able to convince security to let him sneak backstage.

The others started playing, Jinxx shooting Andy a worried stare as he started singing, his voice raspy and wobbling, only singing every other lyric. They always say everything gets worse when you finally come out, and god was that right.

It was painful for Remington to watch. He wanted desperately to just interrupt the show and take Andy away from all of this but he's already gotten in trouble at this venue so much.

Andy fell to his knees during the breakdown of the song, though playing it off as just headbanging, tears falling down his cheeks that just mixed and hid as sweat.

That was it. Remington pushed past security and he didn't give a shit that he disrupted the show. At first the crowd screamed even louder to see Remington too but everyone started booing when Rem led Andy backstage.

Andy didn't even fight it, practically limping off stage and right when they got off, some fans still being able to see them, he collapsed and sobbed into rems chest.

"It's gonna be okay Andy I got you.." Remington stroked his boyfriend's back, holding him close. "Just breath.."

"I-i couldn't do it, i ruined the show, i ruined the fucking show" He cried, Jinxx looking back worriedly and picking up the mic, saying a quick sorry to the fans before handing his guitar to Lonny and jogging offstage, kneeling by them.

"Hey it's okay! You know how many shows I've ruined? Hell, way more than you. You have nothing to worry about Andy." Rem looked up at Jinxx and gave him a 'please help' look.

Andy didnt respond, just kept sobbing, only sobbing louder when he heard the fans start chanting "an-dre-a" over and over. Jinxxs eyes widened and he went over to the mic. "Everyone, do me a favor. Lets all start chanting "andy, andy, andy" and clap our hands, yeah?"

Most of the crowd was readily obedient, though more than a few people were confused. They just wanted to see their favorite singer back on stage. "Andy you gotta calm down for me, okay? Here, you wanna go back to the bus..?"

Andy shook his head, sniffling and taking a deep breath, the crowd calling him Andy helping just a bit. "I wanna finish the show" He whispered, voice raspy from crying.

"Do you think you can...? I know hearing your voice.. isn't fun for you babe.." Rem really didn't feel Andy should keep performing.

Andy waited a second, pondering on if he could or not, and decided that he could push through for the fans. He nodded and shakely got up, wiping his eyes before kissing Rem and turning back to the stage, jogging to the mic, the fans screaming in excitement.

Remington couldn't be any more proud of Andy. He was still worried beyond all hell but he honestly took pride in how strong his boyfriend was. He watched from behind the scenes, falling in love with the other's strength all over again.

Andy finished the rest of the show, though he took a pause to semi explain and give a small speech. "So.. I'm sure all of you saw what happened earlier, and i just wanted to spread awareness." He started. "I'm sure all of you have dealt with a hard time in your life, where there was lots of anxiety, you were in a dark place, and you know what? thats okay. I had a panic attack, and that just goes to show that every single one of the people up on this stage are human just like you. Its okay to struggle, but just know that you are not alone, and were all here for you. Music brings us together, it helps us cope, it helps us heal. And that being said, its time for Knives and Pens!!" He said, screaming at the end as the band started playing.

The crowd was happy as ever, as if nothing even happened. They took And(rea) as an inspiration and simply thought (s)he was spreading awareness about mental health. Nobody even knew yet. It frustrated Remington, who felt helpless backstage. He knew people would get suspicious if he were to interrupt the show again, but it was just so damn painful to see his lover suffer silently in front of thousands.

Andy finished the show, screaming a thank you before jogging off stage, sighing and collapsing in Rems arms, no words needing to be said.

"You did good baby.." Rem cooed, patting the back of Andy's head gently. "Let's get you some water, yeah?"

Andy nodded, the rest of the band looking confused and slightly worried, except jinxx because he understood why.

Remington carefully led his boyfriend to Palaye's bus, expecting it to be empty. Sadly it wasn't and Seb was snoring away in his bunk.

Andy didn't pay any mind, too exhausted and drained to even care. Seeing as Andy didn't have a problem with it, Rem walked them both in.

~~  
1881 Words


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